Calm Down, Sparky.

I've been neglecting you for far too long, and I'm here again, as was bound to happen. But today, I am writing with not a single emotion or realization but with an excess that is unhealthy. My point is still unrealized, my mind still blocked by the tangles of recent dilemmas. But my fingers have a mind of their own, and upon them I shall rest my full confidence to produce a worthy image of my current state of mind.

First off, I feel adventurous. Adventurous for college, adventurous to meet new people, adventurous to feel different dimensions of emotions. Recently, I've been wanting to befriend the world, seeing good in so many people I've never taken any interest in, or rediscovering the people I'm around all the time, like Gramma. I think I've learned to bleach away the stains of regret laden upon the fabric of my memory and conscience-- it's this grand excitement for the future that maintains the drive for success and happiness. It's the confidence of knowing that not only do I deserve unbounded joy without question, but also that it's mine for the taking. The taking is just a choice away.

I love the American culture of optimism, no matter how foolish it is in many cases. Ms. Long told our 8th grade English class something that has always stuck: "The first step in the cycle of success is enthusiasm, whether it be real or feigned." Perfect example? COLLEGE ORIENTATION. Whether you're prepared for success of not, being surrounded by peers psyched for success for 3 days will convince you that you are indeed ready. And yes, although you didn't realize it before, you are fucking pumped. I love it! Prepare students for success before they want it. Convince them they want to succeed, and all of a sudden they'll find themselves reaching for the moon.

And whether the excitement/motivation was genuine or affected yesterday, it's there now, like a stealthy little Pixie planted it there in your sleep.

I'm so ready.