predestined woe.

i keep showering.
and i keep wanting to shower.
and when i come out, i liberally apply my most clean-smelling lotion.
and i turn on the air conditioner.
and let my hair nature-dry.
i fill a tall glass, half with ice and half with strawberry-banana Kerns juice.
i wait until condensation appears, then stick a bendy straw in it and sip, luxuriously.

i keep sleeping.
and i keep wanting to sleep.
i drop my franny and zooey as my lids drop and slowly cover the world from sight.
i curl up.
i hug my elephant.
i let dreams take over.

and i shower and sleep, and sleep and shower and lotion and relax--

but i feel so old. cripply wrinkly fatiguey old.
like ive forgotten the definition of "fresh."
i cant renew myself.

like a soggy cardboard box.

all the showers in the world can't make me feel clean.
all the sleep in the world can't make me feel awake.

all the ice cream in the world can't give the satisfaction of bliss..
...but only the pathetic aftertaste of 400 calories and guilt.